Diary of a Closet Freak

Last night I was a Target, minding my own business, looking for some knives and forks since the ones I have here seem to just get up and walk away. I was standing around in the aisle, mulling over the decision- frosted or shiny forks?

Anyway, this older gentleman walks over and tells me he likes “it”, referring to the frosted forks. I was like really? I’m trying to make up my mind…He proceeded to tell me which kind he recently bought for his new house, etc. He told me he was recently divorced and setting up house on his own and how much fun that was…blah, blah, basically telling me how he had it going on.

So I was like if the package is so tight, why did he get divorced. He claims that the ex-wifey quit wanting to have sex, and I was like well you must not have been handling your business then.

So then here are the lies he responded with: He stated that they used to have sex EVERY single night 4-5 times a night and that she used to come every single time, but that she just had “issues” with sex… YEAH right! LIAR. LIAR. I don’t believe that is humanly possible, unless he was on some meds!

At this point I wanted to start moving away from the man cuz I just knew a bolt of lighting was going to strike him where he stood for the lies!!! When I told him I had to be going, he said I was exactly his type and that could he get the number…I have to say I was flattered cuz its not like I was looking super fly and I do have a thing for older guys…But I do loathe liars and pepetrators and his dick is probably going to fall off due to all the lies the man was telling…

But I am just curious how many times can the average guy do it in a night and how many times in a month? Can anyone really do the do EVERY single day?

When it comes to sexual partners, how many is just too many? I don’t mean all at once, but over a life span. Let’s face it, very few of us women are remaining virginally pure for the marriage bed these days, and most of us don’t end up with the man who first deflowered us. (Real good thing for me on that point). The issue of sex normally comes up pretty quickly in most relationships, sometimes even on the first date. Then there’s the inevitable dilemma…should I or should I not give up the kitty?

I have to be honest. There’s been a number times when my mind was telling me no, but my body, my body was telling me yes…So I sucked the dick, got the kitty licked, and did plenty of bumping and grinding, but stopped short of going all the way (to put it proverbially). I really was saying no solely because I was scrupulously keeping count of how many men have penetrated the poonani and I have just never wanted to be guilty of sleeping with “too many” men. But I’ve never really defined what that number is…Is it 10, 20, 50? Maybe it doesn’t even matter and I’ve been passing up some delectable dicks over the years for no good reason.

Then there’s the issue of whether to tell the true number if my man ever asks this touchy question…How many men have you been with? I would hate to give the “wrong answer”. According to my dear mother, a woman should never answer this query, period. We all know there’s a double standard between men and women in this area. If a man says he’s been with 80 different women, I would think he is a freak and a bit promiscuous, but possibly still deal with him, depending on the other variables, (including disease status). But I think if a woman said she had been with 80 different men…she would be looked down on by men and women alike.

Another aspect to this topic is whether oral sex counts as actual sex. Personally, I’m from the camp that says Bill Clinton did not lie- that he truly DID NOT have sexual relations with Monica Lewdwinsky. To me its not sex unless a pregnancy or a hemoroid could result from the act. If not, let’s see how many orgasms we can have… Some men may say I was teasing…but in truth, I was just trying to keep the penetration numbers down…I mean damn- blue balls never killed a man!

I don’t really know what made this topic come to mind other than contemplating that I am off to a rather slow start in meeting my 2006 resolution of fucking no less than 100 times this year. I would love to hear from everyone else. How many guys can I fuck before I am officially a hoe?

Did anyone see the Kirk Pornlin–oops–(Franklin) interview last week on Oprah? He claims he’s addicted to pornography, and feels that we all needed to share his pain. Whatever. Let’s be honest blogosphere- isn’t everyone addicted to pornography? I don’t see what the problem is if a grown man likes to look at naked women on the computer on occasion or if he likes watching grown people fornicating on a flick every now and then. As long as children aren’t involved and everyone is legally consenting- what is the big deal?

It’s not like he was physcially cheating on his wife. He was trying to share it with her, but she wasn’t having it. I personally think that it was his wife who caused his little vice to blow up into a big problem. If she had been a little more open-minded about it and willing to watch a flick or two with her man, he wouldn’t have gotten to the point where he felt like he had to hide it and been digging in dumpsters and all that in the middle of the night. The problem he really seemed to be having was leading the secret life because he was trying to conceal everything from his wife- not that pornography had damaged him in some way.

This is not to say I am advocating signing up on every internet porn site or buying hundrends of videos. Everything in moderation. On some level, we all have bad habits/vices. Some people smoke cigarettes or the ‘la’. Others spent countless hours in front of ESPN, FSN, NBA TV, and CSS. Still others spent an inordinate amount of time on the computer. Some spend half their life on the cell phone. Basically everyone has something they do for relaxation or stimulation. As long as it isn’t causing isolation and isn’t ruling a person’s life and finances…I say do your thang.
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I’m back to blogging now that I have returned from my holiday hiatus. A lovely hiatus which I spent with lots of family in the northeast. I enjoyed seeing the aunts and uncles and many of the first and second cousins, whom I only get to see a few times a year. One thing that struck me is that some of the cousins are a whole lot finer than they used to be when we were growing up…like damn, I didn’t realize you were quite that tall, or cuz, you’ve put on some thickness and aren’t quite as skinny as you used to be…We reminisced about the days when our elders would just put us in the tub together to give us a bath…lol. Or the days we would sleep in the same bed as kids. Can’t go there now- let’s just say that.
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I don’t have much to post today, except one new thing. Guess what. Last night, I found my g-spot. It was right where I read it would be and felt just like I read it would feel. It is “up under” my clit inside my vagina. It was kind of rough with ridges, like a walnut as opposed to smooth like my vagina. I applied alittle pressure and stroked it alittle and it felt pretty good. Felt a little like I wanted to pee and/or orgasm at the same time. When I squeezed my vaginal muscles things got even more intense. I was like wow- hello there. lol.

I mean I knew it was up in there somewhere because of the pleasurable sensations I’ve experienced when I’ve had it stimulated by a guy’s finger or dick. All I knew was that he was hitting ‘my spot’. I can’t say I ever felt it or played with it myself, so last night was a pretty big first which is why I have decided to record it here in the annals of a closetfreak. Normally, I tend to just work the clit when I am seeking a quick little orgasm on my own, and it is actually so intense that I dont think I can make myself come, but I do have a new project for me and my lover to explore.

Now that I know where exactly the spot is, I look forward to laying down with a lover kissing and relaxing and having him stroke it for me to see how hard I can come…or have him lick the kitty and and the same time work my g-spot…what an orgasm that will be…I will be sure to let everyone know how it works out.

Can someone please tell me what makes for “good pussy”? I am talking about the shit which will have you (as a man or female for that matter-lol) blowing up the cell phone just so you can get at the kitty, either fucking it or sucking it. Some men like to say that pussy ain’t got a face’ as if indicating that there is no difference from one kitty to the next. That response gets an F. It’s completely ridiculous because if all our secret places were the same, men wouldn’t be trying to ‘explore’ so much. In other word’s you guys wouldn’t be trying to fuck so many different women all the time. Plus that comment makes it sound like all men want to do is put a bag over a woman’s head and then penetrate. Let me be the first to say that in all my years of fucking, I’ve been blindfolded, but neva, eva had a nigga put a damn bag over my head. We all know that all pussy was not created equal…but what makes a kitty purebred?

Now when I think about what makes good dick- it’s pretty simple. Circumcised, nice length, and good thickness. However, regardless of the gage of the shotgun, it always comes down to how a man uses his weapon. He must be able to stroke it right and have some staying power. Those are the basics. Of course being a closetfreak, I want alittle more too, but you can read about that stuff in my previous posts.
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I’ve been a runner since I was about 10 years old when I used to compete with a boy named Ernesto back in catholic school, trying to be the fastest girl in fifth grade. (I never did beat him, but I got damn close in the 7th grade). In my younger days, I ran everything from cross-country to indoor track to track and field in the spring. I really got a kick out of reading about yours truly in the papers, traveling around the country for meets, and hoarding medals and trophies. I don’t even know where most of the collection is now…Anyway, in college, I wasn’t the best, but I stayed competitive. It’s been a while, but after watching the NYC Marathon on television on Sunday, I got motivated enough to put on my Asics Gel Kayanos (gotta be a runner to know about them sneaks) and went for a nice run.

As soon as I got going, I remembered why I’ve been avoiding running. To be honest, it hurts like hell and it takes a lot of mental discipline to keep going, so I try to think about everything else except my feet pounding the trail. And being the closetfreak, that I am, my mind automatically turned to sex to make time go by….
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I love me some DMX, - especially his song, “What These Bitches Want” which I just heard on the radio. But regrettably, I could neva-eva give Earl Simmons (his real name) some pussy, even though his voice is so unique and even though he is so attractively thuggish ruggish. Despite these traits, he is one rapper I would just have to turn down if he ever tried to holla because this song indicates that he is a kiss and tell type nigga. I mean in a single musical composition, this man proudly names more than forty girls that he has supposedly fucked, even spelling out how he met Cookie in an ice cream shop. That shit is wrong as hell. A nigga with tru pussy game, never kisses and tells. After all, it is commonly known that if a man has to brag about who and how many he has fucked, that something is off about his bedroom performance.

This is not to say that men can’t talk about WHAT they do in the bedroom. We ladies actually appreciate that information, especially if you can back it up. I know it gives me something to look forward to if you hip me to the fact that you are down for freaky things. This rant is more directed to men who name names the way DMX did. Fifty Cent has also been guilty of this sad naming of names. Even Justin Timberlake felt like he had to announce that he popped Brittany Spear’s cherry.This behavior shows that these men are insecure about something because they felt that they had to toot their own horns. These actions will greatly reduce the amount of pussy that they ultimately get in life. I do realize that you want to brag sometimes men, but you must let your dick do the work, not your mouth. If your cock skills are that excellent, the lady you have satisfied will do the talking for you, because most of us just can’t help telling SOMEBODY when we get some distinguished dick. . (more…)

Today, I happened to be thinking about giving good head after I got hipped to some fellatio trade secrets that I plan to put into practice immediately. Anyway, as I did my ‘research’, my thoughts turned from how to blow a nigga’s mind with a blowjob to what to do with his cum once I’ve managed to make him explode. I just don’t get what it is with guys wanting to cum all over the place- from the mouth to the face to any other body part you can think of. Personally, I’m pretty okay with my lover cumming in my mouth. Even swallowing is palatable, especially if the cum ends up way in the back of my mouth, half way down my throat. And I don’t mind the special delivery landing anywhere below the neck, like on my boobs or stomach or some other anatomical destination. If I am really turned on, I don’t even notice the mess. Besides, I heard that the ‘cream’ is good for the skin anyway. Lol. Sorry- kind of vulgar there. The real issue for me is cumming on my face. (more…)

I used to hate whenever a guy asked me questions like, “Who’s your daddy” right in the middle of fucking. My perspective has changed on that whole topic. Now, I’m like, well if he can make me lose my mind with pleasure and loose my inhibitions enough to answer him, he can pretty much ask any questions he wants even if its a little silly or embarrassing. I’ll have the right answer ready, “you baby”, “I’m your bitch”. “the pussy is yours”, “take the keys to the mercedes”… Whatever he wants to hear. My message to the men out there who like to ask questions in the middle of sex is very simple. You had better be putting it down before you start the interrogation. (more…)