Diary of a Closet Freak

I would like to announce that closetfreak has once again been CDC Approved baby. What I mean is that I recently went to the doctor as we ladies do on an annual basis and took THE TEST as well as all the other little screenings we women take to make sure all the family goods are in perfect working order and have not been contaminated by any outside sources during the previous 12 months. The biggie, of course, is THE TEST for that undefeatable ninja that is ravaging through our race, partly due to the Down Low Brothas (who are going to get a whole blog topic devoted to them in the near future).

But anyway, I think no matter how much you safe sex it, waiting for those results is no fun. I wish there was some instant outcome test, like there is for pregnancy detection. You know the deal in 10 minutes, in the privacy of your bathroom. No having to walk out then think about worst case scenarios. It’s not that I’ve done anything “risky” in the past year, but of course the only way to ever be completely sure is to practice abstinence. And best to believe, closetfreak does not practice abstinence. LoL. Shit, if I did that, what would I blog about? So anyway, this week, as I waited to hear back, I tried to put it out of my mind and remain confident, but in a small way, I was holding my breathe too.

Then finally, yesterday, all the results came back negative, just like I expected. Yesssss! As you know when it comes to these tests- negative news is GOOD news.

Like I’m so negative that my shit is ALL good. Like, de poonani is bahd-gude, star…blow de wistle n bong on de wall. LOL. And got the paperwork to prove it. Yes, yes the kitty is pink, juicy, freshly trimmed, contaminate free, bacteria-free, pathogenless…however you want to say it. Now, that is some good pussy. Basically you can EAT a meal off of it. (pun intended)

So you might think that since I have this clean house, that I might want to invite a guest over for a tour or maybe dinner off the clean plate I referred to. Or you might think that I’m going to accept an offer from one of the brothas who has so kindly offered to assist me with my G-spot exploration. Actually, I am shutting the doors even tighter and I’m hiding the key. No new guests for the forseeable future. Family only.

I am not going to lie, I’ve definitely gotten some tempting offers since starting this blog, from doing my first threesome, to beating my submissive ass for me with all kinds of wicked implements. Intriguing options that just make a closetfreak’s pussy all wet. I was beginning to think that it was going to take a chastity belt for me to keep myself from taking somebody up on an offer.LOL. But this annual testing ritual serves as a reminder that my priority needs to remain keeping the kitty safe and sound just like she is now. So unfortunately, I am going to have to pass on the offers to teach me how to deep throat. I am freaky, but I ain’t crazy. To be honest, at this point, I don’t even want to shake hands with a guy who can’t show me his test results. Forget emailing me a picture of your dick or your face…Send me your test results if you want to play.

I can’t lie. It was alittle scary. And is always intimidating taking the test, then waiting for the results, but the peace of mind that follows is utterly priceless. I think I’ll go ahead and frame the results just so I can enjoy them everyday. At last, the results are in and it is official in black and white. Closetfreak is kinky, clean, disease-free and definitely meaning to keeping it that way. After a long week of waiting with bated breathe, I think I will go have a drink and exhale.