Diary of a Closet Freak

Welcome back to Copulation College. Today’s how to lesson is entitled Going Downtown Without Getting Lost…aka Licking the Kitty Right. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t love oral sex when it is done right, but unfortunately a lot of women are getting head-aches instead of great head. So, I have decided to share some of my expertise which has solely been gained from the receiving end. Of course this lesson would not be possible if it wasn’t for some fabulous linguists out there who have provided incredible pleasure to me. Give yourself a pat on the back if you happen by my blog today.

1. Attitude- Guys go down there with a gusto and act like you really want it. Forget being squeamish and half-hearted. There’s nothing worse than a nigga acting like he is tired or not into it. This leads to woman faking orgasms to put you out of your misery.
2. Warm Up- Don’t just take the panty off and go downtown without getting blood flowing to the kitty. Stroke it thru my panties, talk dirty in my ear, pinch my nipples, squeeze or slap my ass cheeks, stick a finger in there to make sure things are getting wet, then you may proceed. (more…)

My girl Sheryl Swoops announced that she is gay today. Where did that come from? She’s been married and has a son, which means she has fully enjoyed the magnificence of penis. How could she just give that up? And for seven years? That’s a damn jail term. I looked up a picture of her partner Lisa Scott and she is at best only ‘awright’. Definitely not fly enough to make me foreswear dick for life. But I ain’t hating. To each his own. I for one will remain STRICKLY DICKLY for the foreseeable future. (Unless I get my nerve up to do a threesome…oops. topic for another day.)

Even though I haven’t been moved to explore the female thing yet, I do admit that I love to look, especially at the girls with the beautiful breasts which hang, but not droop, or girls with tight asses and nice- curvy athletic legs. Not too tall and not too short. Flat or soft (not mushy) stomachs. Not more than 10 to maximum 15 lbs overweight. Pretty, with smooth skin. Not ghetto-fabulous. Like a said, I look, but I don’t touch.

The bottom line is that men just have more to offer because of what they have between their legs. Nothing could replace the beauty and interest of the male dick for me, which a plastic strap-on cannot begin to emulate. The debate often arises about proportion. But it’s not just about the bulkiness of the family jewels. I think most women are like me, size is great, but there is more to it too. Just like with diamonds- its not just carat. You gotta consider cut, clarity, color and fire. . (more…)

Just for the heck of it I decided to start a new category on this blog called Copulation College for articles on different aspects of guess what…Sex! Let me say upfront that I am by no means an expert and I don’t claim to be. I just want to share my version of things that drive me (and maybe other women) wild. Guys who read the blog may find it interesting and ladies may agree or disagree or add their own tips in the comments section….With that said, today’s topic is How to Talk Dirty in other words, the Lost Art of Aural Sex lol. Obviously, I am not talking about a nigga sticking his dick in my ear!..I ain’t that freaky yet.

If there is one thing I love is for a nigga to talk dirty to me when we are fucking or getting ready to do that thang. That includes profanity and names like bitch, and slut. I don’t mind the names cuz I know that the nigga respects me outside of the bedroom- if not, I have no business messing with him at all. Even if I’m not in the mood, the right special words can sometimes end up making me give Him some…The way I see it, there are five main potential categories. Below are some of my favorite phrases that have worked on me or that I’ve imagined up or seen in some romantic movie. You might want to put some of these Talking Dirty phrases to use the next time you are putting it down:
(more…)

I just read about the CEO who spent $241k at a titty bar!!! That must have been a HELLUVA lap dance. If that’s how much I can make shaking my a- cups, I am turning in my resignation tomorrow. All those damned student loans for nothing. My modesty can certainly be overcome for the right price. Plus, the strip club is closer to my house than my job, so I can save on gas too! Coincidentally, a few weeks ago when I first went to Magic City, I actually thought to myself, that I could be a ’skripper’ under the right circumstances. The music was off the chain and the atmosphere was like a massive don’t give a fuck about tomorrow type party. Not to mention the number of fine niggas with deep pockets that was up in there. (more…)

Today, I happened to be thinking about giving good head after I got hipped to some fellatio trade secrets that I plan to put into practice immediately. Anyway, as I did my ‘research’, my thoughts turned from how to blow a nigga’s mind with a blowjob to what to do with his cum once I’ve managed to make him explode. I just don’t get what it is with guys wanting to cum all over the place- from the mouth to the face to any other body part you can think of. Personally, I’m pretty okay with my lover cumming in my mouth. Even swallowing is palatable, especially if the cum ends up way in the back of my mouth, half way down my throat. And I don’t mind the special delivery landing anywhere below the neck, like on my boobs or stomach or some other anatomical destination. If I am really turned on, I don’t even notice the mess. Besides, I heard that the ‘cream’ is good for the skin anyway. Lol. Sorry- kind of vulgar there. The real issue for me is cumming on my face. (more…)

I used to hate whenever a guy asked me questions like, “Who’s your daddy” right in the middle of fucking. My perspective has changed on that whole topic. Now, I’m like, well if he can make me lose my mind with pleasure and loose my inhibitions enough to answer him, he can pretty much ask any questions he wants even if its a little silly or embarrassing. I’ll have the right answer ready, “you baby”, “I’m your bitch”. “the pussy is yours”, “take the keys to the mercedes”… Whatever he wants to hear. My message to the men out there who like to ask questions in the middle of sex is very simple. You had better be putting it down before you start the interrogation. (more…)

Since I am on here blogging about my sex life, I would definitely be remiss if I didn’t go into my passion and perspective on Domination and Submission. I am a grown, independent, and assertive woman, but that’s not all there is to me. I need my man to be my Daddy, too. Lol. And believe you me, I don’t mean a blood relative. I mean a dominant that can scratch my submissive itch for me. I’ve always been into Domination and Submission, but it took a long time for me to actually start exploring that aspect of sex and damn! It didn’t take long to realize that I had really been missing out.. (more…)

Would you believe that 70% of women fake orgasms? Back in the days when I used to fake my orgasms, I always knew I couldn’t be the only woman out there doing it, but I can’t believe the faking numbers are that high. And 77% of women say their men can’t even tell the difference. So that means we climax perpetrators are damn near professional actresses!

As a reformed orgasm faker, I still think (more…)

Today I had an experience which affirmed that I have picked the right name for this blog. It involved my closet, and it involved my freakiness. Nothing too crazy, but funny and it definitely got my mind on the usual topic of sex. (more…)

Well, it’s official. There is a new freak on the blogosphere. It’s me. I am young, black, sexy and freaky on the low, hence the name of the blog. I started this blog to mainly talk about one of my favorite topics in life- SEX. I plan on sharing my experiences, fantasies and opinions and generally whatever else I feel like writing about. (more…)